me

2011-12-01T05:10:00.000-08:00

There it was!
weaved with desire,
the tapestry of colors on a fine silk of time.

It was awed by the beauty,
forgot to be preserved,
caught in a tug of war,
abandoned to the silence of time.

And so will it come to be..
torn to pieces by its fangs alone.

And with the time conquered and shred,
there will be left nothing, but the colors.

Don't let it happen.
you don't know what will be left.
Tarnished memories and suspended strings of remorse.

Don't let them fade.....

The Fountainhead

2011-11-29T23:17:00.000-08:00

A book I was amused about..
A book I wanted to read some 15years back,but could never get myself to it..
A book I always thought is very overrated..
A book I thought is impossible to finish...

I finished that book finally and in one stretch!! Every possible notion I had about the book is probably reversed.
And am very glad I could do it at last.

Aynrand..What could I think of her?!
I was never much into novels and works of fiction. But she changed my idea of fiction. She created a wonderful world for me and for every reader who happens to enter her world. A world where I have found a respite from the real world for a few days and wish to dwell there forever. Such a beautiful world it is!!
Once I finished reading and was back into reality, it was very hard.I, so want to go there all over again. May be she hypnotizes the reader into her magic-realism. Actually what she speaks there isn't any fiction in the real sense. Its just the world around us and what and how a man should be. Its as simple. But since man has complicated his world and has gone too far from reality, this indeed appears like a fictitious world. There indeed are some very ideal people and situations and certain other aspects, which aren't discussed in detail. And there are some abrupt endings too.Some things where it does appear like fiction, but by far if we take the gist of the novel she had in her mind, she 'created', or may be I should say, she 'rediscovered' a philosophy which man forgot about himself.

Its neither theism nor atheism..And I cant say it as agnostic too.Its the culmination of everything.
Its the man as an end in himself.
Its about the obvious and for the people who can't realize it,its the mystic, for the people who are living it, its neither..its just the truth of their life.

To say it in her words,
"Man is a heroic being,with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."
I don't think I can sum it up in any better words than the creator herself!!

And about the book and characters..
Well I can write another book myself. But that will wait, till I go through the journey again and may be another time too till I get enough of them to my hearts content...
For now am in love with them. :)

Rock star

2011-11-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

Had been to this movie yesterday.Was very skeptical while going.
18reels,2 and half hours and a single person in all frames..But,Ranbir really rocked as the rockstar. I never got to see ranbir in any frame. Its only Jordan..And thats the best thing I can say about him.Wonder how he carried himself and dint let the energy levels stoop anywhere till the end either to him or to the people watching him.Rehmans music and mohit chauhan's voice,kudos to him,took it to the zenith.But its imtiaz ali who made me connect to such a weird character despite his complicated screenplay.Am still marvelling at his skills to make me connect to a rockstar!! The background score scintillates and tingles our senses.Nargis is fresh and sweet and her smile adds a positive vibe. The movie casts its impression for anyone who watches it. It did to me and the after taste is a sweet pain which is here to stay.
Recommended.:)

2011-10-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

No one is infallible,
As man by nature is incorrigible.
A puzzle with no single solution,
the journey of this life is just a delusion!

when it has to end it will,
but there is never a single straight road until
Numerous are the choices to name,
Wonder then, what is it that can hold us in the same?!

Belief, faith and trust to name a few,
If only you have the love to give.
But whom can we put to blame,
when life in itself is a game!!

2011-10-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

stilled is the time,
as your presence graces mine.
but stretched it seems,
as the dark and light teams!

Those tender,dark hands,when they lull,
with the touch as ripe and full..
you cast your spell,
and in the dreams, I begin to dwell.

I cup my hands,
and try to drink the darkness,
eyes drop heavy,
and like a feather,I levy!

Visiting the exquisite unseens,
just as I entwine in sleep,
there you empty my chalice,
and bring me back to this malice!

Alas! the sun has to rise!
And its always time to arise!!

Distances...

2010-06-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

Images cast of a mosaic of shattered glass,slave to the dancing lites.
Shadows of winding distances mocking the fleeting gaps...
The stuttering lite struggling to be in the overpowering darkness ..
And then there is the U in me , strong and resolute!

A journey through known and unknown,
Sitting at the verge, unable to relegate either,
The twilight casting weird shadows,
The distorted clarity creating choas,
While the stuttering hope's inclined to the known...
But it unawares, is fleeting the distances, dancing to the tunes of fate?!

The mirror shattered still wants to grab and harbor the image,
As unaltered, strong and resolute as ever..

Is it the distance, mosaic, lite or the unknown?!

contemplation in a classroom...

2010-02-24T20:07:00.000-08:00

As I sit there before them, in one of the cloud filled sunny afternoon..
I realised how the time has gone by, way too soon.
From one in the crowd to the one apart..
life seemed nothing less than a failed piece of an art.
Am facing them today,
the very place where my past lay..
just a few feet of distance,
but years of my life and heavens of difference!
Not a child with a pink cotton candy in hand, anymore.
neither the one I used to be, much before..
where was I better?
the former or the latter?
was I a better past facing the present me?
Or am I a better present facing the past, to be?

2010-01-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

The world is changing before me. Its moving at a faster pace than I thought it could. People, places, habits, hobbies,addictions... change and nothing else seems to be an absolute and universal constant. Being a silent witness to the play around, its surprising the way people are getting on with whatever life presents before them . Am often afraid of falling short but learning being a virtue neednt be taught! In itself it gives a wide arena of adaptation. life just seems like a bohemian odyssey now. Enigmatic and intriguing!

2009-10-14T00:26:00.000-07:00

Intorted spaces.
Conjured facades.
Unventilated barricade.
Anarchic throttle..

Do I know them?
Nah, am living them!

2009-10-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

Water...rain..floods..Nature's fury..
This must have been the longest night for many people out there..
powercut..places cut off from the rest of the world..no food, no water..
people losing their lives, houses, their abode..
some people are saved and were sent to safe places..
But what happens after ?
The after math is going to be worse. It may take years for the people to recover, somepeople may not be able to survive it in the first place..
Why is this?
Natural calamity to even out things?
Why in extremes?
draught followed by floods..
why is there no balance?
Like the people..Some people are suffering out there stuck in the middle of oceans of water while some else are enjoying the natures beauty ...
Pain for some, pleasure for others..
Why don't these people realise it could have been them..
Why do we forget the uncertainities and vainness of this life?
Why am I here while I should have been there helping some..
Why is this so choatic?
Why does this feel so shameful?
Should I brush away the whole thing as some natural occurence...
Should I move on with the daily chores as if its not related to me?

But....
Do I have a choice?
Do I ?

In waiting...

2009-09-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Don't know since when I have got an obsession for yellows.
Think much before I read of waxy yellows.
May be when my screen turned colourful from the basic black and whites..
since then nothing has amused me much more than the yellow envelopes.
Thousands of times these icy cold browns have strained to look through the blue screens,
but everytime it met black...
something devoid of colour, someone has told...
The emptiness, the vaccum..
The yellow still remains tempting..
so the browns wait on , for the tenth dawn...

The Book Thief

2009-09-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

MARKUS ZUSAK

This youngman with a pale face, innocent smile, with an aura of unseen brilliance around....

This youngman occupied my life for 5 days. And the occupation was intense, irresistable and nevertheles to say everlasting as, he , who occupied me came to me in the form of "death".

DEATH...Yes..

It befriended me these five days,fascinated me to no end and haunted me everywhere.

Death, my friend, who says he is affable, agreeable, amiable and graceful too..And I should tell you, he is much much more than that!

We, humans, we always embrace life and detest death. But it is he, who has shown me the colours of life. who has shown me life, in all its grandeur and its ugliness.

It is he who introduced me to life in the first place.

If I have to make you understand what he showed me , we should dwell into the past five days before when am introduced to him.

It was a beautiful monday, cloudy and grey with cold breezes, heartful wishes, sweetening smiles and lively people around.

Someone took the pain a fewdays before to bring him for me.'Death', to be gifted to me on that day. cynical and ironical it may seem to all, but for me thats the best gift ever, coz that is what gave me my lost friend back.."Life".

So started my journey with him. When he came to me he said he will leave soon. Such was his aura of intensity and refulgence that I too thought it impossible to keep him for long. But then, as I began to dwell with him, travel with him and started seeing him into his face , I wanted to prolong his company for some more days. So, I took him slowly..Sometimes busied myself through the daily chores to postpone the places he wanted me to travel through, as am well aware that he will not leave till he completes his story.

So,it was five days of my stay with him that refurbished me into a new being am totally unaware of.

The firstday when I took him home, he slept in my couch, as I was busy yet to disturb him.

My jorney with him began on a tender, tardy tuesday , when he introduced me to one of his infinite number of friends.

We came to this little friend of his when I asked my friend about the black bound book he was carrying all along. Thats when he started unravelling the story of this little girl whom he fondly calls as book thief. The black book was written by her. From there we went into her life and am introduced to her, her friends and all the people in her life .

In the process am introduced to many more things..

One such is 'colours'..

Colours alwys fascinated me and here I started to taste the colors of colours, smell their flavours, feel their sense and sensibilities..

The waxy yellows
The cloud spat blues
Snowy soft and blinding whites
Chocolate browns
Deathly greys
Soupy reds
Signature blacks
The murky darknesses...

The pleasant , unpleasant; the beautiful, the ugly; the glorious, the damning; the brilliant, the dull.. all mixed up in a wonderful concoction.

There is neither a distinction nor a unison.

The colours of life , of death, of love, affection, greed, hatred , anger, compassion.. all mingled and up ther for me to perceive and feel..

These five days I felt an emotion so overwhelming, so huge and so enormous that it engulfed all my sorrow, all my past and everything that made me. one such moment during this period went like this.

A Powercut. A candle. An obsession. A book theif. A priced possession. Pain. waiting . A hope.

Then came the introduction of words.

Words that make this universe, words that are responsible for all the colours and emotions of life. words that make and break the world. words ,words and words……

Life is a mere creation of words spoken by people.

what good are the words?
What bad r they?
They r everything
And they are nothing!

A simple fact , but when death itself made that fact dawn on me, there is no looking back.

Now, theres no pain,no obsession, no disappointment.
They remained just words.Now I pick up my world of words.

And then through their lives, I was taken by the times of hitler where I saw the lives of germans and the jews.I saw the people being treated as filth, the concentration camps, the massive suffering the humiliation…

I was taken by awe, when I fond people hiding in basements for years without even witnessing a ray of hope or sun, with very meager food supplies, without even proper bath, sleep..

Its amazing what we humans can do, how much can we endure and yet how fanatical and insane we can get!

There are so many diversified emotions to the humans.I almost embraced my friend, unable to witness the pain wandering through those lanes of the past..

The atrocity, the barbarism, the havoc, the suffering., the hell..

But it still surprises me how one person on earth could cause such an enormous influence on the people! When asked the same I was answered by my friend, who attributed everything to the power of the words..

Yes..The words..

They can be right,
They can be wrong,
They are everywhere,
And they can do anything!

To pen down all that and to share my experience I should tell the story of this little girl, leisel memimger, the book thief. But am afraid that any attempt of such will belittle the experience itself.

My mind is so barren and there are no words for miles to fit here.

But then I should!

Atleast for the person who took all the pain to introduce me to all of them.

To tell him ,how much I loved and lived this gift.
If nothingelse, to atleast show how thankful I am..

So..

This is the story of.

*A girl
*Some words
*An accordionist
*Some fanatical Germans
*A boy with hair , the colour of lemons
*A jewish fist fighter
* A lot of thievery..

The girl loses her brother to death in a train on her way to her foster parents. Her mother burries him in the snow on the way where the girl steals her first book which falls from a gravediggers hand. In her journey through life she meets her foster parents ,her best friend ,rudy,the jewish fist fighter max and all the rest of the people. The story is about her nightmares, her struggle with words and how the words come aliveforthe little girl..She steals around six books and gets some more as gifts which constitutes her entire world. Her life intertwined and entangled with the words, the people , their fanatism for hitler, her unconditional attachment with the jew, her love for the boy ,her obsession with stealing..Its heart touching when we see her writing dead letters to her mother, presenting the thirteen gifts to the jew when he falls sick..Tears welled up my eyes when I saw max, the jew, painting and writingtwo books for her. The relation they shared, the way she tried to change the world in her own small way with her words..and when her whole world crumbles before her and everyone departs coz of war and hatred, her helplessness, suffering and above all her courage…

NO..

I can’t do this.

I can never explain my experience on these few pages.
It remains locked in the chest of my memories to be cherished forever.

SO, here I stop.

Finally…

At the end of her journey , when I turned to my friend, I saw him lifting one of the soul from my street genially onto his shoulder and waving his hand to me. Its time for him to leave. TO resume his neverending work.

I will definitely come for you one day, he promised me as he was leaving.

It was such a pain to bid a bye to him.

But now, I know.

Whenever I pass by him next time, I will recognize him and one day when he comes for me to take me with him to his world, I would be waiting for him and welcome him with a warm embrace.

Coz am afraid of him nomore.

Coz, now I know..

He is not violent.
Not malicious, either.
But, he is..the result.
And above all, my loving friend!!

I can now walk upto him, can look through him straight in the face ,
And I would tell him those three words which I wouldn’t have told otherwise..

“I MISSED YOU”.

The Dates

2009-09-03T00:16:00.000-07:00

Aug10 & 21;sep 1& 2...
Bad wid the dates.so before I forget them wan to freeze my moments prime here. Its taken, returned,conflicted and relished...:)
nov 4..dream, steam, whistle, drizle, sprout, bout, jolt and colt?!
nov5..afterbout, day whch gv today.
nov8..The trek and an offer so bumper..
nov9..at a masterhands benevolence.:)
nov 10..accumbency.
nov11..coffee nd icy cold a no no. A fancy to a dancing glory !

In Memory...

2009-08-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't met you,
but its an immense pleasure knowing you.
You have touched me like no one ever.
though I have missed you by this life,
you will always remain wid me in some corner of my heart forever.
Fate must have played cruel ,
but you remain eternally binded wid the one you loved forever.
A lot of unmet wishes and sweet memories are on their way,
to meet you where you stay, and wish you happy birthday.
You are fondly remembered on this day
wherever you are, may your soul rest in peace is what we pray...

2009-08-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

Here I am,
at a cross road again..

but it feels familiar,
As if i knew this before,
as if I have travelled ..
why is this so obvious?

intution?
dejavu?
faith?
destiny?
plot?
longing?

what is it that brought you to me?
my mirror ,
my life..
where I can read my past and my present
but why do you blur my future?
Future is a myth, they say
To know it is a bliss? nay.

but..I need to know,
coz, here I am at a cross road again..
I have found a company in you,
my shadow you are,
with whom I want to tred..
but on this path,they say
even shadows can leave you on the way.
why do I hear them?
what are they?

fear?
facts?
past?
or voices in my head?

I move with you neglecting them..
ten steps I go,
they bring me bak by eleven..
I look at you helpless
U smile at me and lead me ahead......

So here we go,
unravelling the mysteries,
and repeating the histories..
preparing ourselves for the unknown,
accepting the known..
You have become my strength,My only company,
with you life seems beautiful once more.
Faith or fear ceased to matter therefore..

2009-08-13T02:17:00.000-07:00

I Miss You...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

2009-07-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

I have become an insomniac again these days. Don't know whats bothering me! Colours in dreams, long forgotten friends... Grandpa, when wil you stop visiting me there? Why do you come again and again and be so nice to me, making me feel even more pathetic? The grasslands, people from different planes nd spaces; why are you after me? And when am I goin to stop giving those exams which I have no clue about and for which I will never ever be ready? Dear Sleep ..Y have you moved away from me? when are you going to embrace me again? I don't want to go through those lanes again. I have travelled enough, and am tired. Show mercy now and accept me. For, only in your acceptance, is my peace.

2009-07-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

"life goes on, unmindful of beginning, end, kamyab, nah_kam, crisis, catharisis, moving forward like a slow, dusty caravan of kochis."
How true..finished reading "kite runner" by KHALED HUSSEINI. Needless to say touched by the narration. The way the story of a happy go lucky kid turns with time, the impelling situations that make him take the wildest actions, the guilt that haunts, the restlessness that follows..."theres a way to be good again.."
The story of a faithful servant kid, his sacrifices, the way his life turns with time...
The story of a father who is lost between his duty and guilt, the way he finds remorse in doing good..
the life of afghans,the pusthuns,the hazarats...the talibans..
Huhh..the book had been a roller coaster ride. So many lives, so many complexities...For some minutes I really felt glad for being so fortunate not to be in such circumstances.
And indeed life is such a mystery that unfolds so many secrets to us as we move on..they may be good,they may be bad..all we have to do is accept and move on..for, we are mortals to decipher the mysteries of the world.

2009-07-09T02:06:00.000-07:00

After a long hiatus...

Things are still the same. But now I realised that I have to live with them.No one is going to come to rescue and I have to accept the things the way they are.Nothing outside me, can I ever change.So I have turned more inwards for help.Life seems more peaceful that way, having nothing to expect. But it still hurts deep down somewhere. Somewhere some voice is still resisting change. Least it knows ,that, it has to die down too. Only in its death, is there a clearing, and only in it, a new possibility of life. Life seems so harsh, but then...Y is everything fair here?!

2008-12-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

She is lying there lifeless. People passing her are looking at her . She could see the surprise in their eyes. But that doesn't make any sense to her anymore. She is so disconnected to the nonsensical world around. All she could remember was that it was december. A month which defined the quality of life since five years. It is december again. But she doesn't hold any hope in her eyes. Her world had crumbled before her. Fate had played a cruel joke with her. It stabbed her to death yet again, and this time its so that she could never recover, never ever. Her mobile which once was busy with heavytrafficing of sms and calls, is lifeless too and lay there besides her. She is so numb. sometimes she becomes hysteric and stares at her mobile like mad. she gets up , thinking that she is in some delirium or some wild dream and that she has to get up. She washes her face and yet she doesn't feel awake..She forgot whether she was living a dream like reality or a real like dream..She has lost all the senses to identify that thin line which now has faded forever. She can hear people talking about what happened to her..She doesn't know.She doesn't remember anything. She has lost the connection between past, present and the future. She is just lying there staring into her unbelievable past, puzzled present and unsure future. Days and nights have ceased to be different. Sleep has become an alien entity..She has lost the sense of purpose. she is just lying there. she is ....The mirror is broken. you say that the cracks can be repaired with time. But the image will never be the same, Its distorted forever...

The Reversal

2008-11-05T06:04:00.000-08:00

Am so angry with myself..I need to change.I want to become the person I used to be..I used to be patient,loving,happy and always smiling.Those things don't happen anymore.I seem to have lost myself somewhere on the journey here..I have become something else and everyday I am growing more aware of it.I want to be free of all this. I want to let this demons in me fade away..Everything is not like what I thought it would be...I only know that I can change. everything else just stays the same..I don't want to hate myself more than I already do..

Hope and Happiness

2008-10-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

Diwali...The festival I relate to 'hope' and 'happiness',my two best friends once upon a time... the friends who were always a part of me and whom I always used to carry...'hope' in my eyes and 'happiness' in my smile....this festival was always rejuvenating for them, so I used to enjoy it with a great fervour.I always loved it, when I could celebrate it with my parents and at home..Am here today, and this diwali is supposed to bring more happiness as there is an important function too at home..But, somewhere something is lacking. I feel so empty inside..Coz, my best friends are not with me today. I remember how happy I was, as a kid, to light up diyas, to decorate the house, to get new clothes, to spend time with the family...Among all those it was their company that made me live those moments.. They are not with me today..Angry with me that I have entrusted them to someone else not to their liking..They couldn't adjust to that new atmosphere and got sick..So sick that they are in their death bed..And they are not allowing me to pay a visit even..Sometimes I get to see them from a distance and pray that, they get well soon ,accept me as before and come back to me..But deep down, I know that I have broken their trust, broken the promise I have made to them, that I will have them with me forever...

Insecurity and grief , my new tenants ,are their enemies and since then they turned sick. They couldn't share space with them, nor could I free myself from these, who engulphed my whole and are refusing to leave..These venomous tenants, have poisoned my friends and they have left me for good...In getting rid of these and restoring the health of my old friends , lies my hope of today and happiness of tomorrow...

2008-10-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

जिंदगी ने हमें ये कहा लाकर खड़ा कर दिया।
न सूरज न सवेरा, ना ही कोई जलता दिया ,
इस अंधेरे के छाव में ओ भी भुज गया।
चाहकर भी अपनाना सके कोई, कैसी मोड है ये
न कोई मंजिल, न कोई रास्ता।

The Riddle

2008-10-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't know
How and when to say a 'no'
And everytime I said 'yes'
Life became nothing less than a mess..

seasons came and seasons went..
But nothing could lend me a vent.

compromises and sorrows ,
inexplicable woes..
these became my friends
in my journey through life's tangled bends.

I am stuck in the middle,
unable to solve this abstruse riddle..

YOU

2008-10-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

A blessing in disguise,
You came as a surprise.
Something striked a chord
and lead to a bond that can't be ward.
We knew we would be together,
either be it now or later.
I wait for you everyday,
to hear what you say..
Agree or disagree ,both are fun.
With every meet , a lot ,I learn.
Sometimes I am a dumbo,
sometimes a fool.
But with you, everything seems so cool..
I thank you for being there
and listening to everything that I share.
You take my side in whatever I say
such little things you do make my day. :)

2008-10-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

I was reading in my room, when I heard a sound. It was as if something fell in the water. First I brushed it off as my imagination. I was listening to some music, so thought it might be coz of that..After sometime I heard another flapping sort of sound. I rushed to my bathroom only to find a poor creature drowning in the tub.The tub was deep and narrow, so it was not able to come up. My room is in the first floor and I have opened my windows to let some breeze in. This might have come through that and somehow managed to go near the tub and must have fallen into it accidentally..I couldn't make out what it exactly was. It might be a rat, a squirrel or some reptile.. Poor thing it was so wet , it almost became a lump. I tried to move it,but it seemed very weak .
And it was drowning..
I need to rush, I thought..
I couldn't see it dying in front of my eyes. But I didn't know what to do. I tried a stick. Thought, it might come up with its support, but it was so weak to even move ,let alone climb. And I have this fear of reptiles. ..So couldn't even go near it.
But then , its a 'life'.
If I don't act then ,I will be responsible for its death. So I took a mug and tried to make it enter that so that I can leave it outside. I had all goose pimples and my adrenaline was pumping.It almost came into that mug, and suddenly I had a doubt that it may be a reptile. I trembled a little and this poor thing jumped ..scaring me off...and again fell into the tub..By this time I knew that I won't be able to make it. So I rushed downstairs, called my father and my sis for help. My father came and helped it come into a mug and safely left it outside my room. It didn't move for a while ,then stood up and rushed its way into the bushes...only then we realised that it was a squirrel..
I stayed back in the room, feeling happy for the squirrel, but disappointed with myself.
So, the moral of the story is .....
It is not enough if we just have a desire to help. We should also have enough courage to execute it, or it may be too late. Not always can you find your father downstairs..

My Header

2008-10-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

Mm..changed the header..Tired of being gloomy..I know it feels very out of place, considering my previous posts. But this is how I always wished myself to be..Independent, alone,carefree, happy and adventurous..Liked the picture in the first look. There is some peace in it, which I could relate to..

Moreover am a happy girl these days. More happier than I had been in all the previous years. I have got this little "freedom" for two months. The value of freedom can be best experienced when we don't have it.I had my days when I longed for it . So when I have it ,am enjoying it to the hilt. I know that this is only temporary , but that is not stopping me from savoring it.

Being alone is a gift many a times. It helps us to have an insight into ourselves , helps to know ourselves better .I got to know about me in this one month more than I had known myself ever..
Am even surprising myself in the way am taking some things. And am very glad for the change..So,am posting my happiness here.. :). this is me beaming.. I know how am going to rememember this phase of my life..

"This part,this little part of my life is called happyness". .:)

I wish the world much more happiness than am experiencing now.Hope this happiness spreads... :)

2008-09-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

It is dark, it is thick,
thick and weaved after the day,
the day that can't get away,
Get away,no theres got to be no way.
Way ,for some may be sweet,
sweet it was for me too,but became a mare it is.
It is in those dark lanes I lay still.
Still I lay,hiding my pain,
Pain to give comes all those ..
Those..why do they come into my lane?
My lane,its my kingdom and my home...
my home,hah..used to be so once upon a time,
Time now is invaded and..
and they won't let me be,be.
Be what I was..
Was I left a broken piece
A piece...when will it rest in peace...

The Movie...

2008-09-23T04:59:00.000-07:00

Watched a movie today,with my sis,after a long time..was waiting for this since long.It is మల్లెపువ్వు ,starring Bhumika and a new hero. Somehow, I like Bhumika,a lot. Never used to like her before, but developed a liking towards her after "Anasuya". May be even before that. I like her not only coz of her onscreen chemistry, but also coz of the offscreen persona that she is. There are no contraversies about her and she always carries that sweet smile around. There is some aura of pleasantness about her.

And about the movie..I can't say that its a great movie, but its a good one. When I heard the name, I first thought of it as a romantic movie.But the trailors made me think otherwise.It indeed is not a romantic movie in its truest sense ,but I can say ,its a realistic movie, except for the climax. Its about the story of a happy girl ,who suddenly finds herself in the most unacceptable, unimaginable and unwished for circumstances and has to disguise herself as a boy, and starts working as a daily labour in a construction .The hero is a co-labour there , and somehow comes to know that he(She) is a girl, falls in love instantly (which I found a little unrealistic,though) and the rest of the story is how he rescues her.

The hero is a debutant and he looks like srikanth (And prabhas combo??). Thoda kachha in acting skills, which is acceptable coz he was working with some senior actors there.Tried to imitate prabhas in dialogue delivery.All the songs in the movie are dream sequences of the hero scattered here and there, coz our heroine is in trouble and in no mood for a duet. Hahaah...But one good thing about the songs is, atleast the hero didn't dream of himself in australia or america. All his dream songs were in the same half constructed building. He even dreamt of sofas in brick. :) .The movie is quite slow and half past the interval, its still the flashbak. I was wondering about both the hero and heroine, as she was in great trouble and he had to rescue her and we were running out of time..May be the director realised that he had to rush through the flick and there the story ends so suddenly and peacefully, and I was like ..ahh..so this can happen this way too..hahaaah...Coz at one time I was wondering about the ending, about how he could make it , coz the hero was just a daily labourer..So the movie ends on a happy note, but definitely not like the typical tollywood ones..

Well , I didn't write this to recommend the movie to anyone.Coz many people may not be able to sit through it.And even bhumika didn't have much performance either. Just saw the movie and felt like writing about it.For me , I think I have got my entertainment for what I paid. So, thats it. If anyone wants to watch this, its at their own risk.;)

2008-09-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

Long time, since I have been here. Though I want to write a happy post, am afraid I may not. Unfortunately, its always " pain" that brings me here. Am not depressed , but today I can sense some things dying in me.Its no fault of anybody's. Its just that I overdo things. Am late by seven plus one_seven, and may be am overworking myself to show and get all that I missed out and for all those that am going to miss in future. Since three and half years I have been trying to do only one thing in life with unswerving devotion and that too fizzled. No, I didn't get anything wrong. Its just that I never knew how to express and how to handle things. Overdoing anything dilutes the fun. And I got it right.Sad that I had to learn it the harder way, the way I have chosen for myself in everything and anything. Wish that I learn it atleast now.

4th dimension

2008-08-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

Today I experienced how it is like to be in fourth dimension.(I have read somewhere that there exists seven dimensions in this universe and that we live in third dimension.God,they say(if at all he exists..) stays in seventh dimension.) Its a dimension where past, present and future exists in the same plane.I was moving as per my wish and I could freeze my time in any plane. Those beautiful moments of my past,the present at its best and those moments which may not be possible in real were envisioned before my eyes.I was right there in everywhere and in everything.I was lost in glory..that ecstacy and that euphoric state,that jubiliant delight,that contentment...I was merged in time ,transported into the rapture... just then,
Someone from the third dimension woke me up.Huh these humans....

Mosaic?

2008-08-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

Hemanth tagged me in his post.So here are his questions and my answers..

1. What is your first name?

Mitra..:).It means "friend".

2. What is your favorite food right now?

Some chatpata pakoras will be good in this weather.

3. What high school did you go to?

vidya mandir.

4. What is your favorite color?

Black and lavender.

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

I don't have a crush..Yet to come,so vacant..;)

6. What is your favorite drink?

Diet coke..:)

7. What is your dream vacation?

Anyplace with him by my side..

8. What is your favorite dessert?

Black forest.

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

As Aparna said,am a grown up already and haven't become anything yet..

Wish to bring smiles in a few lives atleast..

10. What do you love most in life?

Its" him".

11. What is one word that describes you?

A simple-ton..;)

12. What is your user name?

Mitra,again.;)

LOST...

2008-08-05T00:52:00.000-07:00

Can someone hear?

at the height of my voice,I scream..

Here i am,me,since seventy eight,

alas!there is no one who can show me some light..

In the vastness of this world ,am a tiny atom lost..

I rushed and rambled and somewhere lost in the past.

I question about my integrity..

restlesness,helplessness and lonelines ..this is all i found as my identity..

I came all the way here in my life to lose the precious gift I have got,

coz this is what is left in my life's plot..

Am left between two paths to take,

but nowhere can i find the traces of the choice I want to make..

Can someone help me find the lost track..

How good it would have been ,if all this were happened in a time crack..

I will be left only with dreams unfulfilled,oh me! when is all this going to end?

I AM....

2008-08-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

A stain I am...
A stain,dark and hard,
a stain that cant be ward,
thick and tangled as life,
a life filled with strife.
But it also showers light
on the beauty of white..
Am apebble...
A pebble that disturbs a spring,
which lies in silence as still,
a pebble thrown with a fling,
up from a mountain hill. It creates a ripple,
unwanted,yet may appeal.
Am a broken string...
A string which could have given a good tune,
had it been placed right.
Now it's only faint and swoon,
cos it was not weaved tight...
it's song now,a cacophony,
yet can make appreciate a symphony.

Am a pomegranate,
A fruit bitter in taste,
but as they say,patience pays...
A fruit though difficult to eat,
the juice can still be sweet.
but it can be a vain,
cos it can also Stain..

Memoirs

2008-08-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

I want to run,run and run,
I know this cant be fun.
Am left here all alone.
Nothing here feels my own,
a fact I cant shun..
This boredom makes me churn,
with all of my hopes undone..
what else can I do but moan,
my future well known,
making me depression prone.
still I have to move on with a smile worn..

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

2008-08-03T00:22:00.000-07:00

"I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears.

But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,nor the future with its untold stories.

But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.

I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;

Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;

I can only support you, encourage you,and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.

I can only talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,

But I can try to give you the room to change, room to grow,room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,

But I can cry with you and help you pick up the piecesand put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.I can only love you and be your friend. "

--written by some anonymous writer.loved it,so placing it here with slight modifications.:)

2008-07-31T23:13:00.000-07:00

Am still here at mom,s place.There is no acess to net.wanted to write a post to all my well wishers.It feels very strange.I didnt even know about blogs 3 months back,did't even know any of you till last few weeks,but it felt really good when I saw your coments.Thanks a lot all of you..

Firstly,Hemanth..
You are the first one to visit my blog.I don't know how you got here,but am glad you did.So,you will always be special to me.And thanks a lot for your support.Its only through you, that I got to know the rest.You are a nice person to know. :) . And one more thing , you are not obliged to comment on every thing that i write here.;) .I started this as some account of my daily activities. Most of this has some stupid musings of mine over some trivial things.And to put a comment on everything will be difficult for you,and even i don't expect the same.Having said that,I really enjoy your comments and am very happy for all the support you gave me..

Aparna,
I came to your blog coz we had some similiarities.you..madhu and aparna,and me aparna and mitra..got it? You are a sweet heart.nice to know you.. :)

Jessica,
Thanks a lot.That video in your blog came in a news channel here.Will visit your blog once I get to my place.Thanks a lot ,again.:)

pinku,
Didnt read the next part of your story.Will do once I get back.Thank you so much for your concern.:)

priya,
You people surprise me a lot.like you,ayushi..etc.You are so mature and you think much ahead of your age.My mental age stopped somewhere around one quarter of my physical age ,and you people really give me a complex..;) .I really appreciate you for your concern and thanks a lot,dear.:)

Nitin,
hello doc.welcome to my blog.You may not find anything very interesting here,but you are welcome.:)

2008-07-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Am at my mom's place now.It feels so good when am here.Came to attend an interview.Hope i get through this.Actually I don't know whether I want to get through or not.Am almost neutral about this.Sort of stoic.Either ways am at loss in certain ways.Life is so strange.It never gives anything for free.U will receive anything at the cost of something else.And you will be left to choose between. You will be forced to Prioritise your choices.And in situations where you can't do that you will be left with an inner conflict all through your life which never lets you be at peace.

Life is in a mess now.And am sure its going to get worse.I may have to move away from my only escape,my hope,my addiction,my everything that makes me,me.It may seem as a small change,but i know,it means a world to me.Everything is goin to change.....
No ,i dont want to get sad again....

2008-07-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of taking some rest in the afternoon when i got an sms saying that there were around 8 serial bomb blasts in b'lore.It was such a hideous act.I can't understand the motive of the people behind this.And I can never imagine how people can be so barbarous.I still remember those blasts in hyderabad and the havoc they created.So many innocent people were killed and that too ,for no fault of their's.How can anyone be so ruthless? don't they have any conscience? I wonder, how they manage to live?Will they get any sleep?How can people doesn't have any compassion for fellow beings? Who are these people?Why did they become so anti social?Is there no way to change them?I feel so frustated when things like these happen and when we can't do anything about them.Already the world is not a better place to live.Humans are having so many inner conflicts in themselves that they hardly can be peaceful.Added to that they undergo so many phases in their lives.From a child to adoloscent ,then adults and then they grow old.In all these they are bomborded with so many difficulties, coping with the same takes a lifetime.Studies,career,friends,family,responsibilities,financial,emotional ,physical and social conflicts...In the midst of all these they still are able to find time for all these!!!Terrorists,zihadis and all those irrational anti social elements out there...Life is so short.If U can't love people atleast don't hate them.Let everyone have their freedom to live..

2008-07-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

It was a dream.

No,it was real..

May be a dream like reality.

Nah..A real dream.

Or a dejavu?

A time wrap??

May be its a trance..

Whatever it is ...

Has left memories for a life time..

We weren't lost ,

neither did we fight...

We didn't talk much too..

there wasn't a need to..

U were there for me..

And I for you.

comfortable silence was..

Which spoke much more than we ever have..

Those Moments

2008-07-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

Heavens didnt fall,
The world didn't come to a still ,
I was not drowned into the earth's crust,
My heart didn't stop functioning...

Everything looked so normal..only i could tell whats happening there deep down.There was a numbness that was taking the place of everything that belonged to me.My whole existence was nullified to a void and i felt as if am lost in oblivion.Those were the moments i always feared.Moments which could give me sleepless nights.And when they did come alive...why

the heavens didnt fall ;

the world didn't come to a still ;

I was not drowned into the earth's crust ;

My heart didn't stop functioning .....

Am i so numb, so passive, so callous that even moments like these couldnt evoke the expected? when i heard you cry and stil when u could tell me that this is hard for you,why was i not freezed into nothingness? How i wanted to kiss away all your pain and say you neednt go through all these..how i want myself to vanish into obscurity..but nothing happened...

The heavens didnt fall,

the world didn't come to a still,

I was not drowned into the earth's crust,

My heart didn't stop functioning...

And when we resigned yet again, that we could not do this,and when everything was brushed off as another tiff ...and when we still know that it has disappeared just to surface at someother time in future...yet, why am I so content and delighted? Don't I know that, this is not what you want..Am I postponing the inevitable? Certain questions are better left unanswered...

PAIN

2008-07-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

The pain is sinking in..
slowly but steadily,
With every heart beat ,its pumped into the blood,
travelling through the arteries and veins,
finding ways to deliver itself...
Unable to do so,
going back to the lungs to get filtered,
only to learn that,with every breath and oxygen it takes,
its only concentrating itself...
Purer it becomes.
there's no way out of it.
Its an integral part of life.
No its life itself.
Nothing is left,
no way out..
It has conquered everything.
Its not an abuse.
Its an addiction,the body got used to..
It turned everything poisonous..
Once there resided a different entity,
traces of which dont even exist...
it has taken over everything.
It started of as a small dose,
spreaded all across,adding jealousy,helplesnes and rejection..
swallowed trust,
cyanosed the body,
has left it void of all virtues.

BLISS

2008-07-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

Few moments of thoughtlesness in the evening made my day.
Thoughtlesness , i mean in its literal sense.
In that cloudy evening twilight when I stood outside the house watching the swaying palms ,enjoying that cool breeze...
And when for few moments all my memory ceased,and my mind was cleared of all clutter,
just for those few seconds...
Those few seconds when my mind was a blank white sheet..
A blank one in which those moments painted a beautiful picture...,
When my heart was pounding with joy unknown ..
Only for those few seconds...
I learnt what it is ...

Wimbledon

2008-07-06T22:20:00.000-07:00

Today , in the early morning when i got up ,i had an sms in my mobile which read,'Nadal won.'It meant that Federer have lost..I don't remembert my reaction for that,coz i had gone blank for few moments.I am neither happy nor sad.

Needless to say, one of the greatest games ever played at wimbledon,yesterday was a feast to the eyes of so many tennis lovers.Eventhough am not much into sports,tennis ,is one of the sport which is close to my heart.I learnt about the game from my father,and i remember watching matches with him when steffi,sabatini,sanchez,becker,edberg,lendil,sampras,agassi and the likes were playing.with time i became so busy(?!) that i hardly watch any matches.But when i do,i enjoy it thoroughly.

Sampras is my all time favourite and i still remember how sad i was ,when he announced his retirement.I love him for his composure ,both in the match and in the real life .Roger is just like him.And he even reminds me of someone very close to my heart.May be that's the reason why i like him so,despite not watching many of his matches.Even in the midst of nail biting tension in the match,we can see him adjust his locks so cooly.we can find him as fresh and as energetic in the end of the match as he is in the start.There are no ups and downs for this man.Winning and losing doesn't matter much to him.He just plays for the moment.

But nadal was terrific in the match.For his age and experience,the game he showed and the energy he posess is exceptional.Eventhough Federer served so many aces and his service is uncomparable,Nadal too ,is nothing short.Roger had tough time breaking Nadal's service and he could hardly do that.

I didnt watch the first two sets,where nadal was in the lead by 6-4,6-4.I was upset that Federer was giving up so easily...But then ,the match was suspended coz of rain and when it resumed ,Federer was back.The next two sets were breath taking,as both fought furiously and both sets were tie breakers.Adrenaline was rushing all over, towards the end of the fourth set.When Roger made those two sets,though with great difficulty(I cannot stop myself appreciate Nadal for that)....AHH..I was so happy that it didnt end up so easy.

In the next round, it was suspended again due to rain.It was so late in the night and I fell asleep..Only in the morning I got to know that Nadal won his first ,and it was 9-8 in the last set..HUH..............what a game.and it was sooooooooo close.I dont feel sad that roger lost,coz Nadal was truly deserving..But i will truly miss that final moment when he lost..

Whatever it is ,winning or losing,he is, and will , always remain a true performer to me in all his spirit.

Thought of the Day

2008-07-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

When you expect something from others and when thats not met or when they dont know about it,dont try to let them know it.Either you stop expecting or shut your mouth.Even when they are your most loved ones.Chances are that you may be grossly mistaken.

People may think that you are trying to force them by making them feel guilty and in turn victimising them against their freedom.Everything will be fine before that thought arises,but once it starts ,then it stays for ever.but the funniest thing is ,we never know when that sets in.

Last One?

2008-07-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i have finished one more full rehabilitation case.This may be my last one provided things go according to my expectations,of which there is only a minute chance..

The case came out well,but then people have some unrealistic concerns .Though they know that any artificial thing can only simulate natural thing,but can never be equal to the former,they tend to expect the same.Its a real tough job to convince people on this front.With '5 complete' and ' 6 almost complete' rehabilitation cases to my credit,and with them doing well functionally and aesthetically,i can still say its not an easy thing.

When i encounter a new case,am still skeptical,coz no two cases are similiar and neither are their attitudes and expectations.But it still is satisfying when you finish it.when they are smiling happily,you feel that its worth the hardwork.

2008-07-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Today I decided on one thing.I should never complain.And am not going to complain .No one likes people who complain,

A man was resting under a tree when a friend called to him,"hey,why dont you go and cut some wood?"
"what for?"
"to sell it.with that money you can buy yourself a donkey and then distribute firewood from house to house.you'll earn money and buy yourself a truck,then a sawmill and a fleet of trucks.In that way you'll form an empire."
"what for?"
"to be a millionaire and be able to relax in peace."
"And what do you think i'm doing now?"

But WHY is it that we always want to learn it the hard way?

Dasavataram

2008-07-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

Long back,when i saw the movie 'satyame shivam', I was surprised by the simplicity in which it conveyed the whole essence of life to the mankind.I couldn't be normal for 3 to 4 days.But to many, the movie didnt even create an impression,leave alone impact.

It was not about theism or atheism,but the best of both.It conveyed a message,a prescription to a happy life,for the people waging war over the mundane things of life,leaving life itself and forgetting to live.

Now,after seeing dasavataram,the nostalgia overflowed again.Its like finding the same old wine in a new bottle.And what to say about kamal,perfection personified.The pain and the toil he went through during those never ending make up sessions and the way he gave his best is unbelievable.The technical aspects of the movie are awesome and far better for the present Indian standards.

The movie starts somewhere in the 12th century bc with a conflict over different beliefs of god,when Vaishnavites are overruled by Shaivaites. One of the areas in which both Nataraja (Lord Siva form) and Ranganatha Swamy (Lord Vishnu form) are receiving poojas regularly is ruled by the then King (played by Napolean) and being a shaivite he decides to unearth the Ranganatha Swamy idol and throw it into the sea.one of the kamals characters who is a disciple of this diety and who opposes the kings decision will be thrown into the sea tied to the idol. This is pictured brilliantly . Graphics and picturization are magnanimous.

Narration then moves to 2004. This is the stage where Kamal Hasan appears in 9 other different roles as – President of United states, Govind (main lead in the film, a scientist), old woman, Tall muslim guy, famous pop singer Avatar Singh, RAW investigating officer Nadar, Punya Koti (a Christian who fights against sand dwelling near the seas and rivers), Yugi (A Japanese Martial arts guy) and Bob Flecher (A CIA trained agent). Kudos to the makeup man!

Govind, the bio-scientist in the United States of America has been wronged by his boss who has intentions of selling his invention to wrong hands. The determined scientist doesn't give up. He sneaks it away and after a few accidents the invention lands in India. The hunt and race against time especially with Fletcher, the ex-CIA baddie culminates into Govind meeting an irrationally sentimental and at times sweet Andal (Asin). In the process he also meets with all the other characters.In the climax after a lot of chasings, when the bio-vial ends up in the hands of fletcher and when he is cornered he opts for opening it ,with a wicked intention of destroying millions along with him, had he to die.when that vial is opened it has to be antidoted with a lot of nacl,lest it will destroy everything.Miraculously,Tsunami happens then , providing the same and preventing a major disaster(though it creates a minor ,in relative terms).In the tsunami ,the Idol of Ranganatha swamy resurfaces.(which is an attempt to patch the first few minutes of the story with the rest).Nevertheles,this is greatly done.

I definetely liked some points in the movie.Like...In the story of conflict between different beliefs,he has chosen a conflict between two dieties in the same religion ,At the same time he has included different religions in the other part of the story.The tall 'Muslim' guy,the 'Sikh ' singer,the 'Christian' character,punyakoti...showing people from all wakes of life,and religions
and believing things to be happening as per their respective god's wishes.

In the beginning of the story,the disciple kamal opts god(his passion) over his family ,and gets drowned in the sea along with the idol.In the later part of the story,the sikh ,amar singh,when he is diagnosed with throat cancer and when he was left to choose between either his passion for singing,or his family,he opts for the later.Thus different thought processes of human psyche and relative priories were depicted very subtly.

In another case,the old orthodox brahmin woman,who lost her son some fifty years ago,finds his son in the dead punyakoti(christian),who loses his life saving the children of those who were against him.Thus its also showed that we should help even those who harm us and every one are equal.

When tsunami appears in the end, providing the antidote for the bio-vial,and when people believe that its coz of god..,a message is conveyed evoking a thought in the minds of audience,that if god does exist,why doesnt he let people not to create such bad things,instead of doing something like this,where damage does happen but in a relatively less proportion.

At the same time it didnt even end with a message that god doesn't exist..it says that how good it would have been if god does exist and if he doesnt allow all these.And it says ,any philosophy,school of thought,religion,which conveys anything progressive should be welcomed as long as it is acceptable and does some good to the society.

Another Day

2008-06-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

I dont know how this happens to me everytime.every day should start with a new hope,but my day starts with a fear.A fear about problems that spring up anew and afresh.My bad luck is so strong that if something bad doesnt happen a day,then its supposed to be a lucky day.

So started today too.Everything was normal till afternoon,except some haughty conversations,and patch ups.then from nowhere came the owner of this place asking me to vacate in a couple of months.He needs this place to start a new business.now how can i explain this .Till yesterday i thought some luck is swaying near by.but those hopes evoparated .Even those people whom i am expecting to take this,said that they are not interested.Another normal day passed with its package ofbadluck.

hope atleast tomorrow ia a LUCKY DAY.

Yet Again...

2008-06-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

IT HAPPENED YET AGAIN....

After such an emotional outburst,a violent tirade of accusations,lacerating words vehemently spitted,he still lay there smiling sweet,brushing off everything,garbed inhis usual candescence.nothing can affect he ,who is armoured in composure.

He has proved it yet again.Its his victory yet again over her tyranny and her defeat over his tranquility..not that she doesnt know what is to come.neither is it her innocence that has lead her,but her stubborness to defeat him,though deep down she had a wish that win should he.After all who is it that she is deceiving.Its her in the end.she is a slave to her heart playing mind games.May be its for the momentary pleasure that comes through, when her deepest desires were proved right.But is it really worthwhile?..

2008-06-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Today my luck has deserted me once again.the whole morning i heard of so many positive signs,and hope reigned my thoughts.But towards the end of the day,everything vanished .

HE COULDN'T MAKE IT.Am so surprised,so shocked and more than that so sorry and sad.I can never see him lose anything.He is the best and he should get anything he wants.In a way i should be happy that he is not goin far from me,but .....certainly not this way.This is more painful than his seperation.He had so many hopes on this,and whatever be the reason,this didnt happen right.
And about me,just few days and everything would hav fallen into place. But....

In Memory...

2008-06-18T08:51:00.001-07:00

I have never met him ,
neither did he...

we can never ever meet...
theres not a chance .

But I know him..
much more than the people i meet daily,

I think of him more often,
More often than anyone could think of him.

He,now ,is a figment of my imagination,
who once was alive in flesh.

I was late as usual .
Missed him by years.

But the day i met him ,
he took a permanent place in my thoughts.

I dont know,whether he would have liked me,had we met,
but he will always remain as the most sweetest and lovable person i have ever known.

wherever he is,
i just want to say ,"I miss you ..".

How Far Can We Get

2008-06-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's night,i watched the finals of a reality dance show.I was following this since the beginning.It is a sequel. A celebrity dance show,the celebrities selected from different fraternities in telivision.It was awesome.It started of very small.But the tremendous improvement they showed with every episode is unbelievable.I couldnt believe their performance in the finals.it was almost perfect.

They danced blindfolded and in pairs.they sure must have put hell a lot of hard work in there.What attracted me the most was their creativity in presentation.they were ordinary people when they started ,but with every episode expanded their horizons ,and their creativity knew no bounds.They came out as extraordinary.watching people attain perfection is surely an inspiring and a happy sight.

About creativity,I always wondered about its boundaries.I always thought that anything will necessarily have some limits.music,dance,art...But,history proves it to be wrong.World is evolving progressively and is evolving really fast.Had there been any limits,it wouldnt have been possible.I heard someone say somewhere that the musical notes of indian music are just seven(limited),but ,just, how an innumerable and infinite number of combinations can be composed out of it,so is every thing in life.nothing has boundaries,the only thing is that ,we can perceive as long as our 'vision' permits us. so its about how far and how broad can we get. Now ,am in AP.If i think just that, am confined.but if i think a little differently,then i can say am in India. am in Asia,then am on this earth,on this planet,then in the solar system,then in the milky way,in the galaxy,in the vast space.....how far can we get?"IN THE SPACE BETWEEN THE SPACES" may be we can get much far ...

Am I bad?

2008-06-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

Thought of writing so many things since morning,but ven i really sat down to write am finding myself short of words.everything is blank.let me give some exercise to my brain and recall what i wanted to write exactly.

Today there was a ceremony at home.some death anniversary of elders.Somehow i feel that i dont belong here.This place,these people appear foreign to me.after being with them for more than 4 years,i stil feel like an odd person out here.Am stuck here,and theres no hope of any escape even in the farthest future.They are not bad,infact they are much better than i am.just too good for me.stil ,am not able to accept them.am a wrong person in a right place,may be.

Have you ever felt an urge to run from a place to a far off island and hide somewhere.I feel it almost everyday.Hav you ever felt to be all alone by yourself all your life.i do.Its not easy to be in a place which you dont like.and when hope dies...theres nothing left.

I remember having read "secret of happiness"by vivekananda in my school days.he says that we should break ourselves from the shackles.first the bad,then the good,coz even good can be a shackle,a golden one if not iron,but still a shackle.i dont know why am saying it here.but,the place where am in.the surroundings,the people...everything appears like golden shackles.I wish i can break all these and be free 4 ever..

people think that am insane.such a good life,so much of freedom and still i complain.now,its hard to explain.everything may be good,but when you dont want it ,u dont want it .good neednt necessarily be acceptable.may be am bad,but i am what i am..

2008-06-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today ,am so tired. a few things happened today,which made me more tired mentally than physically.I had to encounter certain hippocracies,and i myself behaved like one.but,it never is a pleasant feeling. I always wonder ,why i do such things which makes me unpleasant.why cant i be myself? even then, am not a good human being always.life runs on 'Theory of relativity.' there is nothing called absolute.everything is relative.we cant make all people happy at all the times.the things that we think can make some people happy end up hurting someothers.and when we try to make others happy by being what we are not,it makes us unhappy and ultimately makes them unhappy too.

I just got a sad news.My sweetest addiction wants to change place.its so suffocating here,may be.And why not,thats what i always end up doing .I dont want it to happen.am so addicted .I want to scream.."please dont go far from me," but then I know,nothing is in my hands.nothing..the ball is not in my court.it never was.but why is it that it always seemed so?may be coz i always wanted it to be so,so,it appeared so.

I was always given much more than i deserved.always given everything i wished for,even though it was tough.many a times I was accepted amidst the most ugliest and unacceptable situations.and i was never questioned,never forced.I was accepted as i were.now its my turn.I can never repay back.but atleast i dont want to obstruct the growth..I want my addiction to be sweetest,not selfish.i hope i can follow what i feel.

:)

2008-06-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

HEYY!! Am so happy today.Still wondering whats making me so happy! Theres nothing special about today,except that i watched shaan on tv.he is a great singer.apart from that he seems to be a good human being.i dont know why i hav ,such an impression on him.he is always sweet and smiling .not only him,some people like shahid kapoor,vivek oberoi...are categerised under good beings in my dictionary.somewhere deep down they have a tenderness that shows on their face.when they smile ,they smile heartfully.i can see their smile in their eyes.there is some sort of sensitivity about them.but people say that looks can deceive.and that we cant judge people by their looks.true may be,but theres no loss in judging something as good. after all goodness spreads happiness around.

GyaaN

2008-06-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Have u ever felt an emptiness gripping you,though u seem to posess everything you wished for?I feel it more often.may be am very greedy.but its said na,"what we want we never get,what we get never satisfies us,and that which satisfies us,is never permanent."huh...true isnt it? we always long for things that attracts us,we strive to get them,but in the end when we get them are we really happy?I dont know about others,but I never am.something else lures me.if not ,then there wil be a fear ,a fear of losing what i got.In that fear i cling to it so hard that i forget to enjoy it.and i wil be left with restlessness.its strange to know that i cant b happy when i really hav that which i longed for.Its a pity.this happens coz i want to posess .u may tell me that, when i have it, then its my posession.but my mind doesnt agree with it,even when my heart says so. it cant trust the present and is afraid of the future.its afraid that it may lose ,or someoneelse may grab that ,or that it may change.now who can change the law of life,that nothings constant,but change.so friends,gyaan here is,v(I) should try to live in the present.only then can we(I) be happy.

The Beginning

2008-06-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

Finally am here.a place where i wanted to be ,the first time i heard of.but ,then,computers were a farther boundary to reach.I neither had the access nor the required knowledge.Again ,its said that ,where there is a will there is a way.but may be the will was a little weak.then when i got a computer,it was typing.even now am not good at it,but an urge inside made me be here.am here ,coz i want to be happy.someone told me yesterday that an idle mind is a devil's workshop.I had been more idle of late that even the devil's getting bored.so here i am ,to see if this can prove to be a vent .