Amidst ur anger n my sulking
I am still pining for you.
Are u still upset with me?
Have you not opened d doors to the garden of your heart,yet?
That was our playground, don't u remember?
I am like a barren tree in d garden now
And you are striking blows at me!
It is getting very 'chilly'..
You burn me up,but I will still shine through d fire in your love..
Can't u see my ashes too whining for you..
I can see ur doors are still partially closed.. Let me in, my love..
Are you still cross with me?

SHAME

You strike at me yet again..
A master stroke i should say!!

You..

You are all the faces i have come across
That little girl who stabbed my affection ,
That illiterate who went against on me for some selfish bucks,
That girl who left without explanations..
The girl who never cared after,
The girl who broke my heart,
The lady who judged without even hearing me out,
The girl who cudn't see beyond her diplomacies,
That little guy who never ever cared to turn back,
The one who never knew g of gratitude,
The one who cant spell affection without the gender,
And finally u , who never leave a chance to strike back with vengeance at every beck n call n beat me down with silence..

You are all i ever knew n have known
You behaved the same every time,
or to say, so did I may be.
People say i should change, to show you, your place n treat likewise..
I fail to learn that every time.
Neither can i ever understand..
Places,regions, religions, genders, complications, patriotism ..I can understand none of these.
I can not reason out people thinking all these while they themselves are a little spec in this universe.
India pakisthan match i laugh in myself at people who forget to enjoy the match as it is but take sides n feel that's patriotic.
They are missing the fact that they are just a part of this earth, their tiny abode.
Have they forgotten to live beyond boundaries!!! Or is it that everyone is settling down for the small place n life that they are missing the bigger picture!!

And did it become the only way to live here?
To see the world with a veil n feel that everyone has one and that what we see is not what is!!
I  Wonder what a world of "PK" would have been here on earth.
Without a language but with reading the others mind with a touch.
If that's so, i think the world will come to an end in minutes. everyone will stab the other..
What a hippocratic world are we living in!!
Such a Shame!!!!

And so you..
I can't recognize you from the veil.
And am not comfortable wearing one either..Atleast not all the time with everyone.
Isn't it suffocating?!!
Don't be the face of
My losing hope,
My dying faith in humanity,
My shaken compassion for fellow beings
Don't be the face that fades my colours, clips my wings and push me as a bundle of mass into the cocoon you have build of your tenacious, rancid complexities that reeks of unpleasantness.
I detest!
I resist!
I object!

Can't i expect you to be the face of
Undying hope,
blossoming love and compassion,
A Simple pleasant life?
It is not idealistic. It is simple. Don't complicate with your complexities..
Dear world,for once, prove the world wrong and let the life live!!!

My Rumblings..

I used to have an argument with a friend of mine that, a change can not be brought in the system until and unless each individual takes the responsibility and onus upon themselves and strives towards it.He used to say that it should start somewhere, someone should lead people, inculcate in them values and responsibilities towards themselves, towards society and towards the nature either by force or by realization.Force is a ruled out option cz one can not be changed by force and even if it did appear so,its all very short lived and when it reverts back its even more hazardous..And realization..Yup..that may be possible, coz there are quite many a men in history who have proved themselves to be of great influence on the mankind. But i never believed in leaders or idols.I always thought that,power vested in the hands of few is always too delicate and prone to dilution and corruption.But..its a sin to be a pessimist and a bigger sin is to give up without even trying..

India is experiencing an interesting phenomenon in history like never before.Be it the media or the piled up frustations,unmet vows,the society is taking a plunge for the better.Its refreshing to see more and more people coming out of their closets; thinking, discussing, arguing, sharing and even actively involving in politics, me included. Politics which were brushed aside by almost all of the educated younger eligible generations as polite tricks and dirt are turning to responsibility with time, thanks for the welcome change brought forth by those few individuals who are striving towards a better future.

And the discussion won't be complete without the mention of AAP and AK.AK has given people what they were lacking all these years. HOPE. A hope of a possibility.A possibility that has been evading people and seemed a distant past that has been lost. Even if eighty percent of what he is speaking is truthful and sincere, that can bring a massive change in the society, for, the people haven't seen even ten or twenty percent in ages.Here is a man with his simple demeanor, calm and polite nature but unwavering aggression towards corruption, who has come forward with a broom in his hand and a vision to clean and wipe the slate of the same.A very tall order for the present scenario.But he made his first little step towards the same with the confidence in humanity. And people embraced his simplicity.The first stone has been laid which was all that was required.Now it has brought forth a great wave in the whole country and its quite surprising and at the same time quite appalling to consider how thirsty people are, for some honesty.

There was a whatsapp msg I received from a friend..
" How strange it is ..we wish to wear high brands, but we feel more comfortable in pyjamas,
we wish to sit in taj and mariott with elite people,but we enjoy roadside tea with our friends and with people we love the most.
we wish to own big cars and go on long drives, yet we talk our heart out only while walking down a long road.
we have 64 GB i pods filled with songs, but sometimes a song on the radio brings a smile that can't be compared.."

Strange yet true. And thats called our innate nature. People often close themselves and cover up with all pretentions.But the innate nature of human self is humility, happiness compassion and love.AK had stroked the right chord and at the right time.He is just holding a mirror to us to see the real self . To recognize ourselves and not believe in mirages and run after them and in doing so lose the connection with our own self and behave pretentious and become the predators ourselves.Its not just about the party people, or the aam janatha, its for the other party people too..for the ruling party and the opposition too..Its for everyone living..not just for the nation but for the whole human kind.. But what will we do of him? We will make him a hero.A warrior fighting against some corruption and evil and then we will place the entire onus of the state and then the nation on his shoulders, pressurise him till he crumbles and will make him lose the battle and then pour our disappointments on him and the likes and escape into our closets again. What he wanted is not becoming a hero by himself , but making everyone a warrior.An Ak should emerge out in everyone. Only then can we sustain the life of whats being desired by him and all of us..It should not be the power vested in few hands again even if those few are Aks., It won't be late before they succumb to the pressures and the people fall back into the pits blaming them,losing hope and bereaved of any higher possibility!! I hope we realize this and not let this fresh breeze turn toxic.

AND THE MOUNTAINS ECHOED

Finished reading..
'And The Mountains Echoed '....
They indeed did echo coz i can feel the vibrations of the flavor of Mr. Khalid Hosseini's writing.The book carried the same aroma as of his other two books but the taste, distinct and perspicuous. It was less of war and strife now but as pragmatic and realistic as before. His bewitching style, minimalistic and simple way of narration make the characters come alive and real. Sometimes, as he himself says about a character in the novel, I wonder if he is a gifted writer or gifted trickster ? A magician with a pen for a wand, able to move an audience by conjuring emotions he had never experienced, cz its impossible for one person to have experienced such myriad emotions..And even if so to pen them down so beautifully..Its very unthinkable for me at least.
Having said all that the book does have its flaws unlike his other two books.Or may be I shouldn't dare say them as flaws but many untied strings or unattended side tracks. But again to think from his point of view, Its a piece of fable that perfectly fits in the time slot he allocated for the tale.For,to venture into attending those side tracks would make for another story altogether.
This particular book from him, I think he experimented a little with his experience from the other two novels.He starts from certain point,goes to the start, from there to somewhere in the middle, then a lil side ways...He played with the narration straight, diagonal, oblique,transverse, devious , undulating..But every point he touches, its endowed with details so intricate that each outshine the other in the beauty of their own..It feels like a piece of art work weaved with different colors of threads,each rich, eloquent and vivacious on their own but yet make a scintillating magnum opus as a whole.Each character has their own story to tell, each unique, heroic, alluring and exquisite.The threads left un splintered made me longing for more from the master story teller. :)

You were just a seed of thought,
An outlet and a respite when brought.
To be safe,secure under the hood,
Never to be bereft of, U should.

Planted with love,
Under the shade of a nursery which stood above.
From it came the strength,
that it can help me see you grow at length.

Such a pleasure it was,
to see you sprout to a sapling.
And when you were dressed in those first leaves,
A hope also sprang to be seen,
that forever you can stay green.

Many storms came along,
But you never did let me down.
Always made me proud whenever I walked past you.
Though little and fragile you tried to stand like a mighty oak,
Always smiling at me, giving me that comfort .

An year passed.
You were growing tall and strong,
through gale and gust.
But this time it was the tempest.
It came on you too heavy.
Shaking you from the roots ,
suspending you in the air,
exposed you to the nature wicked and wild.

You look at me for help.
With everything turned to a mirage,
I stand here helpless!
Neither can I see you wither,
nor can I tolerate you suffer.
I can only ask for your excuse.
for not providing you enough shelter to fight the storm,
for not keeping up my promise to you,
for letting you down when you always stood by me.

Will you excuse me ever, Dear?
I wonder!!

ek baarish ki tarah,
baadalonse samet ke,
hume bigaake chod gaye.
Abhi abhi beeghe the hum,
lekin eisa lagta hai ki sadiyon se sukha hai.
raah dekhte dekhte ee aankhe jaage hai
sadiyonse jaisa yaadein aansuon mein chupake chalte hai,
khayalon se sahi e jheel ko behkne aajaaoo,
jaagi in ankhonko sulane tho aajaao.
rute hue sahi, nafrat jatane to aajaao.

Blue and violets spread,
the white, green and blacks rolled under friction with a tinge of red, giving it a dash of pink,showered with crystals and foamy whites on and into the smooth browns,smoldered then chilled fresh and served with coffee browns..
It was a "SPLASH".

Once a sapling was brought home,

Nurtured with love,
Watered with faith,
Waited for the blossom with hope..

But..

Faith was frosted,
Love was betrayed,
Hope was crushed..

For when the bud did bloom..it was found empty..!!

A Thousand Splendid Suns

I don't know what captivated me in this book.The narration, the story, the characterization, the impossible possibilities, the ugly truths of life, the unnatural twists that turn the life so naturally, the unacceptable acceptances, the simple complexities, the complex compromises..the list goes on..
It left me with the same feeling as his first novel, "The Kite Runner".
Deeply and immensely touched!!!
He made me walk through the book, their lives.Mariam and laila, the two imposing characters..
As I started reading, their every small detail in life, every emotion, every struggle became mine as much as theirs.Situations and lives which are impossible to even imagine came alive before my eyes. I could see how a happy kids life with rainbows in the eyes, dreams of a colorful future can lay shattered and transform into ugly possibilities. How easily with time, memories and dreams can be betrayed and how easily time can make anything and any level of ugliness a stoic acceptability in life. For sometime it pained me so bad that I just closed my eyes not able to accept what I was reading, half wishing that he should have written that differently, like it was impossible to accept such life and compromise, Was wishing that,may be in the next few pages I will find something pleasant than the harsh truths. But when something is inevitable, it becomes a habit even when imposed! what a harsh truth to know!!! Yes, its not a pleasant read. The book will torment you, torture you and will affect you intensely. I felt a deep seated pain, A repugnant helplessness directed towards life, the laws of nature, the human behavior itself. Life had been this way since its inception. Hardly some of us will get lucky to make it take course as per our whims and fancies.
Its very difficult to put it in words what I felt after reading this book.For some it may sound morose, disagreeable and cantankerous. It is , I agree but its an experience to be transported into a different life and to live it in this life. Those few hours that you read this novel you can experience that.A compelling, captivating narrator as he is, Mr. khaled hosseini, he mesmerizes, enthralls and finally enslaves us to his simplicity of story telling. Its as if he devised a key to our hearts and have a knowledge of whats in there and how to reach out. He found that universal language of expression that can connect anyone, anywhere,anytime , in any country or in any religion.
This book gave me a few of those very rare moments in life where I stood happy, thankful and blessed for what I am and I have got in life and fortunate for what I am not and haven't got exposed to and my heart filled with empathy, compassion and gratitude for life. Am glad I read this..

There it was!
weaved with desire,
the tapestry of colors on a fine silk of time.

It was awed by the beauty,
forgot to be preserved,
caught in a tug of war,
abandoned to the silence of time.

And so will it come to be..
torn to pieces by its fangs alone.

And with the time conquered and shred,
there will be left nothing, but the colors.

Don't let it happen.
you don't know what will be left.
Tarnished memories and suspended strings of remorse.

Don't let them fade.....

The Fountainhead

A book I was amused about..
A book I wanted to read some 15years back,but could never get myself to it..
A book I always thought is very overrated..
A book I thought is impossible to finish...

I finished that book finally and in one stretch!! Every possible notion I had about the book is probably reversed.
And am very glad I could do it at last.

Aynrand..What could I think of her?!
I was never much into novels and works of fiction. But she changed my idea of fiction. She created a wonderful world for me and for every reader who happens to enter her world. A world where I have found a respite from the real world for a few days and wish to dwell there forever. Such a beautiful world it is!!
Once I finished reading and was back into reality, it was very hard.I, so want to go there all over again. May be she hypnotizes the reader into her magic-realism. Actually what she speaks there isn't any fiction in the real sense. Its just the world around us and what and how a man should be. Its as simple. But since man has complicated his world and has gone too far from reality, this indeed appears like a fictitious world. There indeed are some very ideal people and situations and certain other aspects, which aren't discussed in detail. And there are some abrupt endings too.Some things where it does appear like fiction, but by far if we take the gist of the novel she had in her mind, she 'created', or may be I should say, she 'rediscovered' a philosophy which man forgot about himself.

Its neither theism nor atheism..And I cant say it as agnostic too.Its the culmination of everything.
Its the man as an end in himself.
Its about the obvious and for the people who can't realize it,its the mystic, for the people who are living it, its neither..its just the truth of their life.

To say it in her words,
"Man is a heroic being,with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."
I don't think I can sum it up in any better words than the creator herself!!

And about the book and characters..
Well I can write another book myself. But that will wait, till I go through the journey again and may be another time too till I get enough of them to my hearts content...
For now am in love with them. :)

Rock star

Had been to this movie yesterday.Was very skeptical while going.
18reels,2 and half hours and a single person in all frames..But,Ranbir really rocked as the rockstar. I never got to see ranbir in any frame. Its only Jordan..And thats the best thing I can say about him.Wonder how he carried himself and dint let the energy levels stoop anywhere till the end either to him or to the people watching him.Rehmans music and mohit chauhan's voice,kudos to him,took it to the zenith.But its imtiaz ali who made me connect to such a weird character despite his complicated screenplay.Am still marvelling at his skills to make me connect to a rockstar!! The background score scintillates and tingles our senses.Nargis is fresh and sweet and her smile adds a positive vibe. The movie casts its impression for anyone who watches it. It did to me and the after taste is a sweet pain which is here to stay.
 Recommended.:)

No one is infallible,
As man by nature is incorrigible.
A puzzle with no single solution,
the journey of this life is just a delusion!

when it has to end it will,
but there is never a single straight road until
Numerous are the choices to name,
Wonder then, what is it that can hold us in the same?!

Belief, faith and trust to name a few,
If only you have the love to give.
But whom can we put to blame,
when life in itself is a game!!

stilled is the time,
as your presence graces mine.
but stretched it seems, 
as the dark and light teams!


Those tender,dark hands,when they lull,
with the touch as ripe and full..
you cast your spell,
and in the dreams, I begin to dwell.


I cup my hands,
and try to drink the darkness,
eyes drop heavy,
and like a feather,I levy!


Visiting the exquisite unseens,
just as I entwine in sleep,
there you empty my chalice,
and bring me back to this malice!


Alas! the sun has to rise!
And its always time to arise!!

Distances...

Images cast of a mosaic of shattered glass,slave to the dancing lites.
Shadows of winding distances mocking the fleeting gaps...
The stuttering lite struggling to be in the overpowering darkness ..
And then there is the U in me , strong and resolute!

A journey through known and unknown,
Sitting at the verge, unable to relegate either,
The twilight casting weird shadows,
The distorted clarity creating choas,
While the stuttering hope's inclined to the known...
But it unawares, is fleeting the distances, dancing to the tunes of fate?!

The mirror shattered still wants to grab and harbor the image,
As unaltered, strong and resolute as ever..

Is it the distance, mosaic, lite or the unknown?!

contemplation in a classroom...

As I sit there before them, in one of the cloud filled sunny afternoon..
I realised how the time has gone by, way too soon.
From one in the crowd to the one apart..
life seemed nothing less than a failed piece of an art.
Am facing them today,
the very place where my past lay..
just a few feet of distance,
but years of my life and heavens of difference!
Not a child with a pink cotton candy in hand, anymore.
neither the one I used to be, much before..
where was I better?
the former or the latter?
was I a better past facing the present me?
Or am I a better present facing the past, to be?

The world is changing before me. Its moving at a faster pace than I thought it could. People, places, habits, hobbies,addictions... change and nothing else seems to be an absolute and universal constant. Being a silent witness to the play around, its surprising the way people are getting on with whatever life presents before them . Am often afraid of falling short but learning being a virtue neednt be taught! In itself it gives a wide arena of adaptation. life just seems like a bohemian odyssey now. Enigmatic and intriguing!

Intorted spaces.
Conjured facades.
Unventilated barricade.
Anarchic throttle..

Do I know them?
Nah, am living them!

Water...rain..floods..Nature's fury..
This must have been the longest night for many people out there..
powercut..places cut off from the rest of the world..no food, no water..
people losing their lives, houses, their abode..
some people are saved and were sent to safe places..
But what happens after ?
The after math is going to be worse. It may take years for the people to recover, somepeople may not be able to survive it in the first place..
Why is this?
Natural calamity to even out things?
Why in extremes?
draught followed by floods..
why is there no balance?
Like the people..Some people are suffering out there stuck in the middle of oceans of water while some else are enjoying the natures beauty ...
Pain for some, pleasure for others..
Why don't these people realise it could have been them..
Why do we forget the uncertainities and vainness of this life?
Why am I here while I should have been there helping some..
Why is this so choatic?
Why does this feel so shameful?
Should I brush away the whole thing as some natural occurence...
Should I move on with the daily chores as if its not related to me?

But....
Do I have a choice?
Do I ?

In waiting...

Don't know since when I have got an obsession for yellows.
Think much before I read of waxy yellows.
May be when my screen turned colourful from the basic black and whites..
since then nothing has amused me much more than the yellow envelopes.
Thousands of times these icy cold browns have strained to look through the blue screens,
but everytime it met black...
something devoid of colour, someone has told...
The emptiness, the vaccum..
The yellow still remains tempting..
so the browns wait on , for the tenth dawn...