Am still here at mom,s place.There is no acess to net.wanted to write a post to all my well wishers.It feels very strange.I didnt even know about blogs 3 months back,did't even know any of you till last few weeks,but it felt really good when I saw your coments.Thanks a lot all of you..

Firstly,Hemanth..
You are the first one to visit my blog.I don't know how you got here,but am glad you did.So,you will always be special to me.And thanks a lot for your support.Its only through you, that I got to know the rest.You are a nice person to know. :) . And one more thing , you are not obliged to comment on every thing that i write here.;) .I started this as some account of my daily activities. Most of this has some stupid musings of mine over some trivial things.And to put a comment on everything will be difficult for you,and even i don't expect the same.Having said that,I really enjoy your comments and am very happy for all the support you gave me..

Aparna,
I came to your blog coz we had some similiarities.you..madhu and aparna,and me aparna and mitra..got it? You are a sweet heart.nice to know you.. :)

Jessica,
Thanks a lot.That video in your blog came in a news channel here.Will visit your blog once I get to my place.Thanks a lot ,again.:)

pinku,
Didnt read the next part of your story.Will do once I get back.Thank you so much for your concern.:)

priya,
You people surprise me a lot.like you,ayushi..etc.You are so mature and you think much ahead of your age.My mental age stopped somewhere around one quarter of my physical age ,and you people really give me a complex..;) .I really appreciate you for your concern and thanks a lot,dear.:)

Nitin,
hello doc.welcome to my blog.You may not find anything very interesting here,but you are welcome.:)

Am at my mom's place now.It feels so good when am here.Came to attend an interview.Hope i get through this.Actually I don't know whether I want to get through or not.Am almost neutral about this.Sort of stoic.Either ways am at loss in certain ways.Life is so strange.It never gives anything for free.U will receive anything at the cost of something else.And you will be left to choose between. You will be forced to Prioritise your choices.And in situations where you can't do that you will be left with an inner conflict all through your life which never lets you be at peace.

Life is in a mess now.And am sure its going to get worse.I may have to move away from my only escape,my hope,my addiction,my everything that makes me,me.It may seem as a small change,but i know,it means a world to me.Everything is goin to change.....
No ,i dont want to get sad again....

I was thinking of taking some rest in the afternoon when i got an sms saying that there were around 8 serial bomb blasts in b'lore.It was such a hideous act.I can't understand the motive of the people behind this.And I can never imagine how people can be so barbarous.I still remember those blasts in hyderabad and the havoc they created.So many innocent people were killed and that too ,for no fault of their's.How can anyone be so ruthless? don't they have any conscience? I wonder, how they manage to live?Will they get any sleep?How can people doesn't have any compassion for fellow beings? Who are these people?Why did they become so anti social?Is there no way to change them?I feel so frustated when things like these happen and when we can't do anything about them.Already the world is not a better place to live.Humans are having so many inner conflicts in themselves that they hardly can be peaceful.Added to that they undergo so many phases in their lives.From a child to adoloscent ,then adults and then they grow old.In all these they are bomborded with so many difficulties, coping with the same takes a lifetime.Studies,career,friends,family,responsibilities,financial,emotional ,physical and social conflicts...In the midst of all these they still are able to find time for all these!!!Terrorists,zihadis and all those irrational anti social elements out there...Life is so short.If U can't love people atleast don't hate them.Let everyone have their freedom to live..

It was a dream.

No,it was real..

May be a dream like reality.

Nah..A real dream.

Or a dejavu?

A time wrap??

May be its a trance..

Whatever it is ...

Has left memories for a life time..

We weren't lost ,

neither did we fight...

We didn't talk much too..

there wasn't a need to..

U were there for me..

And I for you.

comfortable silence was..

Which spoke much more than we ever have..

Those Moments

Heavens didnt fall,
The world didn't come to a still ,
I was not drowned into the earth's crust,
My heart didn't stop functioning...


Everything looked so normal..only i could tell whats happening there deep down.There was a numbness that was taking the place of everything that belonged to me.My whole existence was nullified to a void and i felt as if am lost in oblivion.Those were the moments i always feared.Moments which could give me sleepless nights.And when they did come alive...why

the heavens didnt fall ;

the world didn't come to a still ;

I was not drowned into the earth's crust ;

My heart didn't stop functioning .....

Am i so numb, so passive, so callous that even moments like these couldnt evoke the expected? when i heard you cry and stil when u could tell me that this is hard for you,why was i not freezed into nothingness? How i wanted to kiss away all your pain and say you neednt go through all these..how i want myself to vanish into obscurity..but nothing happened...

The heavens didnt fall,

the world didn't come to a still,

I was not drowned into the earth's crust,

My heart didn't stop functioning...

And when we resigned yet again, that we could not do this,and when everything was brushed off as another tiff ...and when we still know that it has disappeared just to surface at someother time in future...yet, why am I so content and delighted? Don't I know that, this is not what you want..Am I postponing the inevitable? Certain questions are better left unanswered...

PAIN

The pain is sinking in..
slowly but steadily,
With every heart beat ,its pumped into the blood,
travelling through the arteries and veins,
finding ways to deliver itself...
Unable to do so,
going back to the lungs to get filtered,
only to learn that,with every breath and oxygen it takes,
its only concentrating itself...
Purer it becomes.
there's no way out of it.
Its an integral part of life.
No its life itself.
Nothing is left,
no way out..
It has conquered everything.
Its not an abuse.
Its an addiction,the body got used to..
It turned everything poisonous..
Once there resided a different entity,
traces of which dont even exist...
it has taken over everything.
It started of as a small dose,
spreaded all across,adding jealousy,helplesnes and rejection..
swallowed trust,
cyanosed the body,
has left it void of all virtues.

BLISS

Few moments of thoughtlesness in the evening made my day.
Thoughtlesness , i mean in its literal sense.
In that cloudy evening twilight when I stood outside the house watching the swaying palms ,enjoying that cool breeze...
And when for few moments all my memory ceased,and my mind was cleared of all clutter,
just for those few seconds...
Those few seconds when my mind was a blank white sheet..
A blank one in which those moments painted a beautiful picture...,
When my heart was pounding with joy unknown ..
Only for those few seconds...
I learnt what it is ...