About Me

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Am me.simple but stupid,good but gloomy,interesting but insane.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Am still here at mom,s place.There is no acess to net.wanted to write a post to all my well wishers.It feels very strange.I didnt even know about blogs 3 months back,did't even know any of you till last few weeks,but it felt really good when I saw your coments.Thanks a lot all of you..

You are the first one to visit my blog.I don't know how you got here,but am glad you did.So,you will always be special to me.And thanks a lot for your support.Its only through you, that I got to know the rest.You are a nice person to know. :) . And one more thing , you are not obliged to comment on every thing that i write here.;) .I started this as some account of my daily activities. Most of this has some stupid musings of mine over some trivial things.And to put a comment on everything will be difficult for you,and even i don't expect the same.Having said that,I really enjoy your comments and am very happy for all the support you gave me..

I came to your blog coz we had some similiarities.you..madhu and aparna,and me aparna and mitra..got it? You are a sweet heart.nice to know you.. :)

Thanks a lot.That video in your blog came in a news channel here.Will visit your blog once I get to my place.Thanks a lot ,again.:)

Didnt read the next part of your story.Will do once I get back.Thank you so much for your concern.:)

You people surprise me a lot.like you,ayushi..etc.You are so mature and you think much ahead of your age.My mental age stopped somewhere around one quarter of my physical age ,and you people really give me a complex..;) .I really appreciate you for your concern and thanks a lot,dear.:)

hello doc.welcome to my blog.You may not find anything very interesting here,but you are welcome.:)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Am at my mom's place now.It feels so good when am here.Came to attend an interview.Hope i get through this.Actually I don't know whether I want to get through or not.Am almost neutral about this.Sort of stoic.Either ways am at loss in certain ways.Life is so strange.It never gives anything for free.U will receive anything at the cost of something else.And you will be left to choose between. You will be forced to Prioritise your choices.And in situations where you can't do that you will be left with an inner conflict all through your life which never lets you be at peace.

Life is in a mess now.And am sure its going to get worse.I may have to move away from my only escape,my hope,my addiction,my everything that makes me,me.It may seem as a small change,but i know,it means a world to me.Everything is goin to change.....
No ,i dont want to get sad again....

Friday, July 25, 2008

I was thinking of taking some rest in the afternoon when i got an sms saying that there were around 8 serial bomb blasts in b'lore.It was such a hideous act.I can't understand the motive of the people behind this.And I can never imagine how people can be so barbarous.I still remember those blasts in hyderabad and the havoc they created.So many innocent people were killed and that too ,for no fault of their's.How can anyone be so ruthless? don't they have any conscience? I wonder, how they manage to live?Will they get any sleep?How can people doesn't have any compassion for fellow beings? Who are these people?Why did they become so anti social?Is there no way to change them?I feel so frustated when things like these happen and when we can't do anything about them.Already the world is not a better place to live.Humans are having so many inner conflicts in themselves that they hardly can be peaceful.Added to that they undergo so many phases in their lives.From a child to adoloscent ,then adults and then they grow old.In all these they are bomborded with so many difficulties, coping with the same takes a lifetime.Studies,career,friends,family,responsibilities,financial,emotional ,physical and social conflicts...In the midst of all these they still are able to find time for all these!!!Terrorists,zihadis and all those irrational anti social elements out there...Life is so short.If U can't love people atleast don't hate them.Let everyone have their freedom to live..

Thursday, July 24, 2008

It was a dream.

No,it was real..

May be a dream like reality.

Nah..A real dream.

Or a dejavu?

A time wrap??

May be its a trance..

Whatever it is ...

Has left memories for a life time..

We weren't lost ,

neither did we fight...

We didn't talk much too..

there wasn't a need to..

U were there for me..

And I for you.

comfortable silence was..

Which spoke much more than we ever have..

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Those Moments

Heavens didnt fall,
The world didn't come to a still ,
I was not drowned into the earth's crust,
My heart didn't stop functioning...

Everything looked so normal..only i could tell whats happening there deep down.There was a numbness that was taking the place of everything that belonged to me.My whole existence was nullified to a void and i felt as if am lost in oblivion.Those were the moments i always feared.Moments which could give me sleepless nights.And when they did come alive...why

the heavens didnt fall ;

the world didn't come to a still ;

I was not drowned into the earth's crust ;

My heart didn't stop functioning .....

Am i so numb, so passive, so callous that even moments like these couldnt evoke the expected? when i heard you cry and stil when u could tell me that this is hard for you,why was i not freezed into nothingness? How i wanted to kiss away all your pain and say you neednt go through all these..how i want myself to vanish into obscurity..but nothing happened...

The heavens didnt fall,

the world didn't come to a still,

I was not drowned into the earth's crust,

My heart didn't stop functioning...

And when we resigned yet again, that we could not do this,and when everything was brushed off as another tiff ...and when we still know that it has disappeared just to surface at someother time in future...yet, why am I so content and delighted? Don't I know that, this is not what you want..Am I postponing the inevitable? Certain questions are better left unanswered...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


The pain is sinking in..
slowly but steadily,
With every heart beat ,its pumped into the blood,
travelling through the arteries and veins,
finding ways to deliver itself...
Unable to do so,
going back to the lungs to get filtered,
only to learn that,with every breath and oxygen it takes,
its only concentrating itself...
Purer it becomes.
there's no way out of it.
Its an integral part of life.
No its life itself.
Nothing is left,
no way out..
It has conquered everything.
Its not an abuse.
Its an addiction,the body got used to..
It turned everything poisonous..
Once there resided a different entity,
traces of which dont even exist...
it has taken over everything.
It started of as a small dose,
spreaded all across,adding jealousy,helplesnes and rejection..
swallowed trust,
cyanosed the body,
has left it void of all virtues.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Few moments of thoughtlesness in the evening made my day.
Thoughtlesness , i mean in its literal sense.
In that cloudy evening twilight when I stood outside the house watching the swaying palms ,enjoying that cool breeze...
And when for few moments all my memory ceased,and my mind was cleared of all clutter,
just for those few seconds...
Those few seconds when my mind was a blank white sheet..
A blank one in which those moments painted a beautiful picture...,
When my heart was pounding with joy unknown ..
Only for those few seconds...
I learnt what it is ...

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Today , in the early morning when i got up ,i had an sms in my mobile which read,'Nadal won.'It meant that Federer have lost..I don't remembert my reaction for that,coz i had gone blank for few moments.I am neither happy nor sad.

Needless to say, one of the greatest games ever played at wimbledon,yesterday was a feast to the eyes of so many tennis lovers.Eventhough am not much into sports,tennis ,is one of the sport which is close to my heart.I learnt about the game from my father,and i remember watching matches with him when steffi,sabatini,sanchez,becker,edberg,lendil,sampras,agassi and the likes were playing.with time i became so busy(?!) that i hardly watch any matches.But when i do,i enjoy it thoroughly.

Sampras is my all time favourite and i still remember how sad i was ,when he announced his retirement.I love him for his composure ,both in the match and in the real life .Roger is just like him.And he even reminds me of someone very close to my heart.May be that's the reason why i like him so,despite not watching many of his matches.Even in the midst of nail biting tension in the match,we can see him adjust his locks so cooly.we can find him as fresh and as energetic in the end of the match as he is in the start.There are no ups and downs for this man.Winning and losing doesn't matter much to him.He just plays for the moment.

But nadal was terrific in the match.For his age and experience,the game he showed and the energy he posess is exceptional.Eventhough Federer served so many aces and his service is uncomparable,Nadal too ,is nothing short.Roger had tough time breaking Nadal's service and he could hardly do that.

I didnt watch the first two sets,where nadal was in the lead by 6-4,6-4.I was upset that Federer was giving up so easily...But then ,the match was suspended coz of rain and when it resumed ,Federer was back.The next two sets were breath taking,as both fought furiously and both sets were tie breakers.Adrenaline was rushing all over, towards the end of the fourth set.When Roger made those two sets,though with great difficulty(I cannot stop myself appreciate Nadal for that)....AHH..I was so happy that it didnt end up so easy.

In the next round, it was suspended again due to rain.It was so late in the night and I fell asleep..Only in the morning I got to know that Nadal won his first ,and it was 9-8 in the last set..HUH..............what a game.and it was sooooooooo close.I dont feel sad that roger lost,coz Nadal was truly deserving..But i will truly miss that final moment when he lost..

Whatever it is ,winning or losing,he is, and will , always remain a true performer to me in all his spirit.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Thought of the Day

When you expect something from others and when thats not met or when they dont know about it,dont try to let them know it.Either you stop expecting or shut your mouth.Even when they are your most loved ones.Chances are that you may be grossly mistaken.

People may think that you are trying to force them by making them feel guilty and in turn victimising them against their freedom.Everything will be fine before that thought arises,but once it starts ,then it stays for ever.but the funniest thing is ,we never know when that sets in.

Last One?

Yesterday i have finished one more full rehabilitation case.This may be my last one provided things go according to my expectations,of which there is only a minute chance..

The case came out well,but then people have some unrealistic concerns .Though they know that any artificial thing can only simulate natural thing,but can never be equal to the former,they tend to expect the same.Its a real tough job to convince people on this front.With '5 complete' and ' 6 almost complete' rehabilitation cases to my credit,and with them doing well functionally and aesthetically,i can still say its not an easy thing.

When i encounter a new case,am still skeptical,coz no two cases are similiar and neither are their attitudes and expectations.But it still is satisfying when you finish it.when they are smiling happily,you feel that its worth the hardwork.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Today I decided on one thing.I should never complain.And am not going to complain .No one likes people who complain,

A man was resting under a tree when a friend called to him,"hey,why dont you go and cut some wood?"
"what for?"
"to sell it.with that money you can buy yourself a donkey and then distribute firewood from house to house.you'll earn money and buy yourself a truck,then a sawmill and a fleet of trucks.In that way you'll form an empire."
"what for?"
"to be a millionaire and be able to relax in peace."
"And what do you think i'm doing now?"

But WHY is it that we always want to learn it the hard way?


Long back,when i saw the movie 'satyame shivam', I was surprised by the simplicity in which it conveyed the whole essence of life to the mankind.I couldn't be normal for 3 to 4 days.But to many, the movie didnt even create an impression,leave alone impact.

It was not about theism or atheism,but the best of both.It conveyed a message,a prescription to a happy life,for the people waging war over the mundane things of life,leaving life itself and forgetting to live.

Now,after seeing dasavataram,the nostalgia overflowed again.Its like finding the same old wine in a new bottle.And what to say about kamal,perfection personified.The pain and the toil he went through during those never ending make up sessions and the way he gave his best is unbelievable.The technical aspects of the movie are awesome and far better for the present Indian standards.

The movie starts somewhere in the 12th century bc with a conflict over different beliefs of god,when Vaishnavites are overruled by Shaivaites. One of the areas in which both Nataraja (Lord Siva form) and Ranganatha Swamy (Lord Vishnu form) are receiving poojas regularly is ruled by the then King (played by Napolean) and being a shaivite he decides to unearth the Ranganatha Swamy idol and throw it into the sea.one of the kamals characters who is a disciple of this diety and who opposes the kings decision will be thrown into the sea tied to the idol. This is pictured brilliantly . Graphics and picturization are magnanimous.

Narration then moves to 2004. This is the stage where Kamal Hasan appears in 9 other different roles as – President of United states, Govind (main lead in the film, a scientist), old woman, Tall muslim guy, famous pop singer Avatar Singh, RAW investigating officer Nadar, Punya Koti (a Christian who fights against sand dwelling near the seas and rivers), Yugi (A Japanese Martial arts guy) and Bob Flecher (A CIA trained agent). Kudos to the makeup man!

Govind, the bio-scientist in the United States of America has been wronged by his boss who has intentions of selling his invention to wrong hands. The determined scientist doesn't give up. He sneaks it away and after a few accidents the invention lands in India. The hunt and race against time especially with Fletcher, the ex-CIA baddie culminates into Govind meeting an irrationally sentimental and at times sweet Andal (Asin). In the process he also meets with all the other characters.In the climax after a lot of chasings, when the bio-vial ends up in the hands of fletcher and when he is cornered he opts for opening it ,with a wicked intention of destroying millions along with him, had he to die.when that vial is opened it has to be antidoted with a lot of nacl,lest it will destroy everything.Miraculously,Tsunami happens then , providing the same and preventing a major disaster(though it creates a minor ,in relative terms).In the tsunami ,the Idol of Ranganatha swamy resurfaces.(which is an attempt to patch the first few minutes of the story with the rest).Nevertheles,this is greatly done.

I definetely liked some points in the movie.Like...In the story of conflict between different beliefs,he has chosen a conflict between two dieties in the same religion ,At the same time he has included different religions in the other part of the story.The tall 'Muslim' guy,the 'Sikh ' singer,the 'Christian' character,punyakoti...showing people from all wakes of life,and religions
and believing things to be happening as per their respective god's wishes.

In the beginning of the story,the disciple kamal opts god(his passion) over his family ,and gets drowned in the sea along with the idol.In the later part of the story,the sikh ,amar singh,when he is diagnosed with throat cancer and when he was left to choose between either his passion for singing,or his family,he opts for the later.Thus different thought processes of human psyche and relative priories were depicted very subtly.

In another case,the old orthodox brahmin woman,who lost her son some fifty years ago,finds his son in the dead punyakoti(christian),who loses his life saving the children of those who were against him.Thus its also showed that we should help even those who harm us and every one are equal.

When tsunami appears in the end, providing the antidote for the bio-vial,and when people believe that its coz of god..,a message is conveyed evoking a thought in the minds of audience,that if god does exist,why doesnt he let people not to create such bad things,instead of doing something like this,where damage does happen but in a relatively less proportion.

At the same time it didnt even end with a message that god doesn't exist..it says that how good it would have been if god does exist and if he doesnt allow all these.And it says ,any philosophy,school of thought,religion,which conveys anything progressive should be welcomed as long as it is acceptable and does some good to the society.